I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
