Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
