What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
