I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
