This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
