the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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