U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
