Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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