It's Friday. Sex?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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