If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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