I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize