i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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