I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
