party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
