My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
