One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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