i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
