so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
