I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
