i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
