whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
