It's Friday. Sex?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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