Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
