just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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