we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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