Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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