I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
