I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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