I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize