I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
