I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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