I'm lost and stupid without you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
