you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
