just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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