That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
