You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
