I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
