Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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