you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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