i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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