Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
