My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize