1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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