what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize