and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
