Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
