yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
