Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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