So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
