Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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