dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
babies were throwing up all over the place
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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