she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You did what with his pubic hair?
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