After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
