My room smells like vodka and shame
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Houston, we have a blender
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
