Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize