Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
