1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
