Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
