The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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