The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
