We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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