Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
