I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
