just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
