At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
