He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
