I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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