bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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