wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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