There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
