i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
