Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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