I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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