"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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