i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
