I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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